Complimenting Monsieur Moony
by I Double Dare You
Summary: A hot bath is a simple yet effective remedy for aches and pains. However, throw Sirius and his pranks in with it and it's not as relaxing as Remus had hoped. He's not complaining. Established S/R Pre-Azkaban.


Title: Complimenting Monsieur Moony

Rating: M

Pairing: Sirius/Remus

Summary: A hot bath is a simple yet effective remedy for aching muscles. However, throw Sirius and his pranks in with it and it's not as relaxing as Remus had hoped. He's not complaining. Established S/R Pre-Azkaban.

Warnings: Sex between men. My terrible writing when it comes to bubbles. You'll see :P

Notes: I mentioned bubbles in my fic, 'Thinking Things Through', and I just couldn't get the idea out of my head. So here is the result! :D

I own the things in italics although see the end notes anyway.

Reviews are the chocolate to my Remus! ;D

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Garbled, mumbled nonsense, humming through his sleep, rattling the edges of blissful darkness.

"_Moony"._

Sleep was so peaceful, so warm and nice and Remus nuzzled deeper into whatever cozy surface he was currently curled up on.

"_**Moony".**_

He cracked a bleary eye open, frowning at the harsh sunlight.

"What?"

His voice was thick and hoarse with sleep and it came out more of a growl than he'd meant it to.

"Come on, your lovely piece of arse has been stuck to the couch since yesterday. Up".

Remus heard himself grumble something. Not even he was sure what it was meant to be but he knew that it was supposed to get Sirius to sod off. Instead, Sirius smiled down at him, scooped an arm between Remus' back and the back of the couch and slipped his other arm under his shoulders. He was pulled up into a slumped sitting position, his muscles aching as if they'd been ripped apart and unprofessionally sewn back together again – which they kind of had. The full moon had been about two days before, depending on what day it was today. Admittedly, this was something Remus wasn't certain about. But his bones and muscles were certain that it hurt too much to be moving.

"You've got to get moving, Moony. Your muscles will seize up and cramp if you don't".

He groaned. Sirius was right, of course, but sleep was so cozy and blissfully numbing. _Then again_, Remus thought vaguely as Sirius chuckled and kissed his temple, _waking up wasn't __**too**__ bad_. Not when Sirius was there to gently massage his tense muscles and press soft kisses to face like that. He hummed pleasantly and leaned against the firm, warm body, wishing he had the energy to elbow Sirius in the ribs as the chest vibrated with quiet laughter.

"Come on. Take a hot bath, it'll make you feel better. And if you hurry up about it I might even join you in a bit".

Remus grinned at the thought but he thought he'd offer a little resistance, just so he wouldn't feel so easily persuaded.

"You implying that I need a wash?"

Sirius grinned at him before taking his arm and pulling him to his feet.

"Yep, you're disgustingly _filthy_. Filthy and dirty and nasty, so get your arse to that bath".

Remus grinned to himself before flashing Sirius a leer, earning himself an answering bark of laughter.

"Bath. _Now_", Sirius punctuated the 'now' with a resounding slap to Remus' arse.

Remus chuckled, slowly shuffling his way to the bathroom, stretching and yawning all the way there as his limbs tingled unpleasantly. He got to the bathroom door when Sirius' voice came from the front door.

"I've gotta go somewhere for a minute. I won't be long".

Remus hummed his tired understanding, glancing back and waving his hand lazily to show that he'd heard. One last suggestive flick of Sirius' eyes over Remus' body and a sly smirk, and the door was shutting with a quiet _snap_ behind him.

Remus wandered into the bathroom, shutting the door behind himself as he made his way over to the toilet. _Merlin, when was the last time he'd gotten up?_ He felt as if it was a whole day of piss that he was unloading into the toilet. Flushing and then running his hands under the tap, he pulled his shirt over his head before reaching down to turn on the hot water for the bath. However, instead of water, a stream of _bubbles_ burst out from the tap. Remus jumped back in surprise, watching, bewildered as clear, shining bubbles flowed into the bath and then floated up into the air and all around the bathroom. It had never done _that_ before. His sluggish mind finally came to the conclusion that it must have been Sirius' idea of a joke and, sighing, he reached up to bat away a bubble that was hanging around his ear.

"_Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just thinking about Sirius?"_

Remus jumped in shock. His hip hit the edge of the bathroom sink as he jumped back and he glanced around the bathroom wildly for where the squeaky voice had come from. No one was there. Only dozens of floating bubbles that never seemed to pop when they bumped into things. Breathing erratic at the fright he'd gotten, he tried to calm down and breathe normally again. Finally, his mind processed what had happened and what he'd heard. _Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just thinking about Sirius_? Remus glared suspiciously at one of the bubbles as he thought about the words. Then he jumped again as the same voice squeaked from a bubble floating around his head,

"_Have a fucking great day, Moony  
>Consider that a clue,<em>

_To the wonderful treat that I've_

_Got in store for you!_"

Remus stared at the bubble. Then his eyes narrowed as he thought about the ridiculous rhyme that had spouted from it. _Sirius_.

He marched to the bathroom door, pained muscles be damned, before flinging the door open and peering out into their flat.

"Sirius?"

No answer. He'd gone out.

Remus frowned and then jumped yet again as a bubble tried to make its way out of the bathroom, floating somewhere near his knee. He quickly batted the thing back into the bathroom, irritated that it didn't burst and only let out a little shrill chirp of,

"_Moony's got brains, _

_Moony's got class, _

_But best of all, _

_He's got a damn fine arse!_".

Remus felt a blush creep onto his cheeks as he stepped back into the bathroom and swiftly shut the door behind himself.

_It had just complimented his arse. Really? Perverted bubbles?_

He sighed in exasperation and frustration and...was that amusement? He shook his head, trying not to chuckle as he looked around at the bubbles. Then he saw that the stream of bubbles from the tap had stopped and that the bath was already almost halfway full with hot water. He rushed forward and turned it off, glad at least that the bath was still functional. He stared contemplatively into the steaming water for a long moment before reaching over and turning on the cold water to get the bath water to a more bearable temperature. He supposed he really _did_ need a bath and that there was really no harm in having it now, even if there were perverted bubbles floating around. He'd just get Sirius to vanish them when he came back, seeing as how they seemed to be non-poppable bubbles. And he had to admit, they _were_ a little funny, in a ridiculous, endearing sort of way. In a ridiculously _Sirius-like_ sort of way.

Finally allowing himself a chuckle, he stood to shuck his shoes off and then bent to slip his pants off.

"_Moony, Moony, drop your pants,_

_Give this dog a bone,_

_Moony, Moony, how that arse enchants,_

_Give us all a show_!"

He covered his bright red face in his hands, unable to hold back his embarrassed laughter. He was going to _kill_ Sirius when he got back. Still smiling reluctantly, he quickly stepped out of his pants and tested the water with a toe. It was still a little too warm but his body really was a little sore still so the heat would be good for him. Flicking away a wolf-whistling bubble (they whistled as well?), and determinedly ignoring a cry of, "_Damn, do those legs ever end_?", he stepped into the bath tub and hissed as he sank down into the scorching hot water. He sighed as he was engulfed by heat and his muscles ached almost pleasantly as he gingerly sat down.

"_That cock of yours brings a whole new meaning to the word, 'edible'_".

Remus flicked a glare out of the corner of his eye to the offending bubble near his elbow, even as a smirk played about his lips and his face remained slightly red.

He'd just leaned back against the rim of the bathtub when he heard the front door close. He listened silently as footsteps made their way towards the bathroom and he quickly worked the smile off his face and adjusted his features to be polite and inquiring. The bathroom door creaked open slightly and Sirius' head popped in. Sirius grinned, taking in the sight that greeted him in the bathroom with hungry eyes.

"Like them?"

Assuming that Sirius was referring to the bubbles, Remus allowed himself a small smirk as he said, "You really _do_ know how to help me bounce back from full moons, don't you?"

Sirius' grin widened and he stepped into the room, quickly shutting the door behind him.

"_Moony is a screamer,_

_And he's got a damn sexy moan_

_So if you shag him right and proper_

_Your mind's sure to be completely blown."_.

Remus raised his eyebrows but couldn't help but let out a laugh, even as he tried to ignore his returning blush. Sirius smirked back, not even glancing at the bubble that had bumped into his leg and shrieked at them, keeping his focus intently on Remus.

"It's true, you know".

He advanced, pulling off his robes as he went, ignoring various wolf-whistles from bubbles that he bumped into.

"Some of them I got from James' stupid one-liner book but they're all true", the pants dropped and the shirt met a similar fate, "They're supposed to be said in my voice too but I arsed that part of the charm up".

Remus rested his chin on his folded arms on the side of the tub as he avidly watched Sirius undress. He didn't care that the bubbles weren't in Sirius' voice, it just made them funnier really. The only thing he could really care about was Sirius getting closer to him. Sirius finally reached the tub, completely naked at last, and he stepped in, legs spread as his feet planted themselves on either side of Remus' thighs. Remus looked up at him, suggestive smirk on his lips as his gaze caught on Sirius' burgeoning erection.

"_I know and Moony knows,_

_But everyone else would get a proper shock_

_If they all somehow worked it out,_

_That Moony's mouth is made for sucking cock!"_

Both Sirius and Remus dissolved into laughter. Chuckling, Sirius shooed away the babbling bubble that had bumped into his shoulder and knelt down to straddle Remus' thighs as he muttered, "Hardly any of my blood was in my brain when I thought up these things. Can you tell?"

Reaching down, Remus grasped Sirius' cock in his wet hand as he murmured into his ear, "I'm flattered", his mouth curved upward, "Do you really think my mouth is made for sucking cock?"

Sirius groaned, hips flexing into Remus' hand even as he answered, "Well you do it well enough for it to be".

Remus hummed contemplatively as he pumped the hot flesh in his hand, his movements slicked by the water.

"Well you're always so willing to help me practice".

Sirius huffed in agreement and amusement before gently tilting Remus' chin up and leaning down to kiss him. Their tongues slid out to meet each other, quite familiar with the other and happy to get acquainted again. Remus was slowly pushed down to lean back against the tub, his back arching involuntarily as Sirius' cock slid against his own, his groan muffled by Sirius' lips and tongue. He wrapped his arms around Sirius' shoulders, pulling him closer and breaking the kiss to gasp as their slick bodies pressed together. Instinctively, Remus' legs spread wider and rose on either side of Sirius, his heels hooking over the edges of the bath.

"_The only reason that sweet arse would get kicked out of bed would be to shag it into the floor_".

Remus snorted loudly as he looked down at the bubble that had brushed against his shin as Sirius huffed his laughter against his neck.

"I'm simultaneously appalled and flattered by your obsession with my arse".

Sirius smiled down at Remus' words, gently pushing his unresisting thighs further apart as he answered, "You're always hiding it under too much clothing. You should walk around naked more; it deserves some appreciation".

Remus hummed vaguely in answer, obviously not quite listening as he pushed his hips up when Sirius' hand brushed past his balls to push between the cleft of his arse. Then the hand was pulling back and reaching over Remus' head to get some soap and Remus took advantage of the position to lean up slightly and press a sucking kiss to Sirius' chest. He pulled away to admire the reddening little mark visible through the sprinkling of coarse black hair, remarkably close to where Sirius' heart would be. Then Sirius' tongue was occupying Remus' mouth again and soap lathered fingers were pressing between his cheeks. One pushed its way inside and Remus grunted at the discomfort, fiercely gripping Sirius' still-dry hair in his wet hands and pressing their mouths together more forcefully. Sirius' other hand was snaking over his hip to touch and rub Remus' erect cock and he moaned into the messy kiss.

The bath was too hot now, the warm water was surrounding him and was making him feel overheated and his head was starting to spin. But he only pressed closer against Sirius as another finger burrowed its way into him, squirming and searching for that place that would indeed have Remus screaming and moaning like one of the bubbles had proclaimed. The position wasn't the best for finding it but Remus thrust his hips up a little more and clutched tightly to Sirius to steady himself, and then Sirius' finger was abruptly pushing against it. Remus' head hit the bathtub with a good, solid thump and he groaned at both the pain and the pleasure, trying not to smile as Sirius snickered against his throat.

The fingers scissored and twisted for a little longer before they slipped out and instead Sirius' cock was prodding at Remus' entrance. Remus winced and grimaced as it slowly pushed into him, trying to even out his breathing and relax. Water wasn't a very good lubricant when it came to this, but shagging in the bath made it worth the initial discomfort, so he breathed deeply and shut his eyes tight until Sirius was all the way in.

"_Moony can't ride a motorbike,_

_He can't ride a broom for shit,_

_But he sure can ride a cock all night,_

_As if he is made for it!_"

Remus' eyes flew open.

"_Sirius!_".

He couldn't help the scandalized tone that crept into the word and yet he struggled not to laugh out loud at the obscene rhyme that the bubble had squeaked when it had touched his wrist. He wasn't sure what he was more offended at; that Sirius had thought it appropriate to point out his lack of flying skills or that he thought it equally appropriate to proclaim his appreciation for his ability to ride _other_ things. Sirius barked a laugh, resting his head on Remus' shoulder as his body shook with mirth. Remus repressed the urge to smack him.

"But it's _true,_ Moony. Really, I should know".

Then Remus _did_ smack him. On the arse.

He ignored the responding yelp and, his cock feeling throughly neglected by now, he grumbled at him, "Just move already".

Still chuckling, Sirius obeyed, sliding his hips back and forth in gentle, small movements. Remus gripped him tighter with his thighs, flexing his hips to show that he wanted more and Sirius obliged, hips snapping back faster and harder, chuckling breathlessly as a bubble hit his back and whistled at them. Then Remus was groaning and squirming beneath him and he was reminded of how lovely Remus voice sounded when he was screaming his name. Vowing to himself to hear that once again before he left this bath, he slipped his hand down Remus' body and grasped his cock tightly, brushing his thumb over the slippery head. Remus' back arched sharply and he cursed under his breath, features melding to make a pleasurably agonized expression. Spurred on by the glazed, fiery look in Remus' eyes, Sirius' hips moved faster, the bathwater slapping loudly against the sides of the bath, some spilling over and onto the floor.

Soon, the rippling noises of the water and the wolf-whistles and squeaks from the bubbles were hardly audible over the loud din of Remus and Sirius' loud breathing and reverberating cries and moans. The bathroom really was a wonderful place to have sex – the volume was doubled and it was sexy in a slightly egotistical way to hear your own voice, desperate and obscene, shouting back at you.

Listening in fascination to the way Moony's voice bounced off the tiles so perfectly, Sirius' hand sped up in time with his hips. Remus was looking up at him with _that_ face, the one that immediately preceded an orgasm. Pupils dilated, lips reddened, mouth hanging open, eyes half lidded and cheeks flushed – _he was fucking beautiful_. Staring down at him, Sirius felt the telltale tingles of climax and Remus' nails tearing down his back viciously as the supple body arched beneath him, tight muscles gliding and clenching around his cock. Then he was jerking forward, shuddering violently and groaning into Remus' neck as a short, strangled scream of "_Sirius!",_ ripped itself from Remus' throat.

Panting, blood thudding in their ears, hearts still racing madly, they clutched to each other as they slowly came back down to Earth. For long blissful moments they lay comatose and content in the no-longer-quite-clean bathwater that was starting to become lukewarm. Sighing, Sirius slipped off of Remus to lie on his side in the bath, legs tangling with Remus' as they unhooked themselves from the sides of the bath and slipped gratefully back into the warm water. He was just pressing a tired kiss to the corner of Moony's mouth when a bubble crept up on him and bumped the side of his head.

"_Moony's wand is full of magic!_"

Their eyes met.

And then they were laughing uncontrollably, grasping at each other as they gasped for air, their laughs bouncing back at them off the tiles. Then another bubble brushed Remus' arm and said something obscene about Moony dropping soap and they dissolved into breathless laughter again.

It was a while before they could breathe normally again, and still chuckling slightly, they slowly, reluctantly sat up in the bath. Sirius emptied the bath water and they both stood, stretching and grinning stupidly as they stepped out of the bath, shivering slightly in the cool air. With vague amusement, Remus noted that he was probably less clean coming out of that bath than he had been going in. But he wasn't complaining.

He'd just grabbed a towel and was gently toweling Sirius' chest dry, brushing purposefully over the red mark on his chest, when another bubble whistled at him from the vicinity of his thighs while another squeaked something about it being _always a pleasure with Moony_.

He sighed tiredly, stifling a yawn as he mumbled, "Please tell me that you know the counter-spell for these".

Sirius shrugged, "No clue. They'll pop eventually. Might take a day or two though".

Remus groaned, thinking about how many trips he'd have to make to the bathroom with bubbles whistling at him and rudely complimenting parts of his anatomy.

Sirius only laughed at the dread on Remus' face and took his hand as he led him to their bed, amid a chorus of whistles and bawdy compliments, a large number of them focusing on his, "_gloriously spankable arse_".

The next day James was ever so surprised when, while taking a quick piss during a visit to Sirius and Remus', he heard a feeble voice calling from around his ankles,

"_Moony, Moony, show me something swell,_

_Your wand more magical than the trickiest spell!_"

Needless to say, James was furious when more piss landed on his shoes than in the toilet.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

_Poor James. I always seem to end up torturing him. _

_Anyway, all the little one liners and rhymes are mine, although I think I might have heard something similar to the 'class' one somewhere else. Oh and the floor shagging one is something I read on the Internet somewhere. All the others are just the proud products of my pervy mind ;) This was far too much fun to write and I apologise for the terrible little rhymes but my poetry is indeed a bit rusty and more than a bit abominable. _

_Honestly, perverted bubbles. How do I come up with this stuff?_

_Reader's comments are treasured dearly. I'll beg if I have to._

_So review, you filthy devils. ;)_


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